Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Would you do that to your friend?!!!

Lately I have been a regular customer to a very nice and quite café in Muscat. The atmosphere in thus place is very friendly and relaxing.( Enough advertisement for the 1882 café!!)

last week while am stopping the car behind this café, I notice one gentleman just stopped before me and he get off the car and went to the second seat and open the door for the lady in front seat. I was shocked and so pleased to see one of us doing this, but I said to myself they must be honeymooners, they are new married and the relationship still in its height, but when I saw him turn to the backseat and lead a beautiful two year baby girl and carry her onside with them I was amazed. I had very high respect and I still have actually because he was treating his lady with full respect and love which very rare to see. By luck this family sat near my usual table as when I get in the café as usual the nice waiter (Raul) came and open the door for me and he said:

“Sir your table is free let me connect your laptop adapter and give you Today password”

Hence he didn’t give me much of chance to locate myself away from this family so I can give them more privacy. I mange to sit down and connect my laptop while Raul was busy preparing my usual drink (lately he don’t even ask me what I want he just bring the coffee as he know I never drink anything other than black coffee). with time I couldn’t help not over hearing their conversation which it turn to me that the wife is not local ( she is not Omani girl ) and at that moment I asked myself , if this girl was Omani would he treated her the same? If not than why he wouldn’t he, also made me think why we don’t see a lot of husband doing the same? And so many other questions which made me go back and think about the antique of how to treat a lady.

The antique of to treat a lady is not what most of us men think we know. We think opening a door and stepping to one-side to allow our lady friends enter first is being a gentleman. Well sorry guys, if that is all you think you have to do, then you are out of luck. The fact that it a lot of more than that, and believe me some of these I have learned it the hard way!!

Actually my topic today is not how to treat a lady as in the end of the day everyone of have his own way and method. However, my main question and concern is if we actually know how to behavior in front of our female friend or colleague and we know how to treat them with manner, why we do not behavior the same when we deal with our spouse?! Why do we forget that she is a lady,( and for god seeks, she meant to be the most important lady on your life! ). So, why you treat her with less respect?

For example, if you are dinning with one of your friends, wouldn’t you ask nicely if you want them to pass you something from a cross the table, wouldn’t you say thank you afterward?! So, why you do not do the same for your spouse?

Another case, if someone have cooked you a meal, am sure everyone will be very appreciative and would at least compliment the food and say thank you, but I wonder how many husband will complement his wife and thank her for the great dinner( even if the maid had prepared the food!!)

The question here is why our behavior changes when we deal with our spouse. If we explore this issue from all dimensions we will find that it has three main dimensions or reasons:

The first dimension is the society: How? In our society, am talking about Omani society (although the fact can be generalized about most of the Arabic societies) we treat the female members of our family with less manners. Or let say we don’t walk the extra mile to please them or make them feel better. We relax our manner and respect in front of them. By time, the wife become one member of the family so the way the husband treat her will become exactly the way he treat the rest of female members of his family.

Second dimension is the wife: The wife herself is the main reason for all this. Ask me how?! When two people start relationship and the marriage life start, the two start to set the rules and by time it build up the blocks of most of behavior and relationship rules. hence, for all the women , when a man treat you a way less than he should be treating you than you should stop him or at least let him feel that this not the way you like to be treated. However, most of girls dose not have the courage to do that and this lead the men in that way. In my view the women in our society are weak and they are so nice to the point of becoming naïve. I wonder why when a girl say, he never did this to me, and he never said this to me to her friend but on the other side she never said that to him or made him feel that she is not happy with what he doing. I want to see one time that a girl when they get in the parking don’t rush to the door and wait for him to come and open the door for her, or when they coming to the car if he don’t come to open the door , she should ask him at least one time: “Baby can you open the door” so he will feel you want that, and its your right, and believe he will never forget it again. Hence , I think and my full believe that our society will never change unless the women themselves start to demand that change and start to show that they have rights to be treated in full manner.

Third and final dimension is the man: ok I left this to the last as it’s the essence of this issue. He is the one who can make it happen. In short , every man should look at his wife as his best friend and he should think when he do something , what if this person was my best friend , or my female friend or my female colleague at work , how would I behaved, how I would treated her. Than, he should treats his wife in same way if not even better, because in the end of the day she is most important person in his life. Secondly, the man should stop looking at his wife like the rest of his female member of family. She is part of his family, but she is not his sister, she is not his cousin, she is his wife, she is his best friend, she is special, and she shall be treated as special.

Moreover, if we look at our daily life we can see a lot of situations where a person will do something that will never do for his/her friends but you can easily see him/her doing it for his/her partner. hence I would like to highlight the top situation that I think every person should be aware of them:

First: Disrespect their partner in the company of others. This very important for a married coupled as usually this lead for loss of interest and break the real bonds between the couples. So, Next time your wife or husband is "being themselves" out with friends, just smile and remember that it is really not a big deal and try to avoid rolling your eyes at or vehemently disagreed with or nitpicked the way your spouse chose to phrase a story in public? If you have something, keep it until you are alone and talk about it.
Secondly: Regularly break plans. If you decide to visit family or friends for lunch or dinner, do you back out last-minute? Why would you do such a thing to your husband or wife? This make the spouse think that you take him or her for granted? From now on if you make plans with your partner, please stick to them.
Third: Nag, nag, nag. Let’s ask two questions here, first would you call up your friends and make demands on them? I guess the answer is no, so why would you do this to your husband or wife? Secondly, what would make you happier: telling your partner what to do and watching them do it begrudgingly, or giving them a chance to do something for you because they simply WANTED to do it?
Fourth: Forget your manners. This very important and a lot of people are guilty of doing it. You have to Treat your spouse with kindness, don't behave boorishly, correct your mistakes, remember your manners, apologize, forgive and forget and always remember that Please, thank-you, excuse me, and I'm sorry are no less important at home than they are when in the company of your friends and colleagues.

Finally, for both the wife and husband I want you to just close your eyes for a moment and ask yourself these questions:
· When was the last time I treated my spouse as a friend?
· Do you make certain demands on your husband because that's the way your mother treated your father?
· Do you use the same phrases in speaking to your wife that your dad uttered to your mom?
· Would you treat your friend in the same manner? My guess is no.

Please remember that you vowed to stay together "for better or for worse," but why make it worse when it can easily be so much better.

“Little things really do mean a lot”

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