Saturday, July 11, 2009

Summer is the Marriage Season!? BUT what after Marriage

I apologize ahead of time that this post will be long but this topic been in my mind lately and I needed to express my thought
Summer is the marriage season as we all know. The last few weeks i have been invited for so many wedding and
engagement parties, that i haven’t even been able to cover not even 20% of them. Dose not mean am not social guy but they are so many of them in the same time. However, I have called couple of guys to congratulate them and wish them a great life, but unfortunately I couldn’t hear or sense that satisfaction and happiness. Moreover, this is very noticeable with older couples (two year and above). Which make me really wonder, what going to happen to this couple in few years? what is the relationship going to look like
Am 100% sure they will be love or at least in most of the situation. However, before we wonder around in the love story and the fact that they are going to love each other or not . Let’s define love. Funny enough every time someone ask me (have you been in love before? . I answer define love to me , and believe me that a hard question). Hence let me put some light in this matter and let me state the definition of love as it stated in Wikipedia:
Love is any of a number of emotions and experiences related to a sense of strong affection and attachment. The word love can refer to a variety of different feelings, states, and attitudes, ranging from generic pleasure ("I loved that meal") to intense interpersonal attraction ("I love my boyfriend"). This diversity of uses and meanings, combined with the complexity of the feelings involved, makes love unusually difficult to consistently define, even compared to other emotional states. [Ref-1]
So basically love can be anything, and can take any shape. Basically my car has been with me for almost three year and i really love it so much. That is companionship love. So if car and it can be loved, what about human that you can interact with him/her. Hence eventually they will love , but my question is will they be any romance. That is the main factor. This factor is what i thinks missing from a lot of relationships. And it’s a big factor that people ignoring or tend to forgot about.
One might say , that romance love have very short span and will die once you live together and that what made Oscar Wilde say : (One should always be in love. That is the reason one should never marry.) [Ref-2]
Which i dont agree and thanks to Dr. Bianca P. Acevedo form University of California, Santa Barbara she confirm in her research that Romantic love can last a lifetime and lead to happier, healthier relationships.
According to Dr. Bianca P. Acevedo research romance can survive in long-term relationships and helps improve many couples' satisfaction. Acevedo says that people often erroneously believe that romantic love and passionate love are the same. “Romantic love has the intensity, engagement and sexual chemistry that passionate love has, minus the obsessive component.” She adds that passionate or obsessive love helps drive shorter relationships but not longer ones.

Acevedo and co-researcher Arthur Aron, reviewed 25 studies with 6,070 individuals in short- and long-term relationships to find out whether romantic love is associated with more satisfaction. The researchers classified the relationships in each of the studies as romantic, passionate (romantic with obsession) or friendship-like love and categorized them as long- or short-term.

In conclusion she said:
(Contrary to what has been widely believed, long-term romantic love (with intensity, sexual interest, and engagement, but without the obsessive element common in new relationships), appears to be a real phenomenon that may be enhancing to individuals’ lives— positively associated with marital satisfaction, mental health, and overall well-being. These conclusions suggest a dramatic revision of some theories and careful attention to measures of love that include or exclude obsession. In terms of real-world implications, the possibility of intense long-term romantic love sets a standard that couples (and marital therapists) can strive for that is higher than seems to have been generally considered realistic. This could also be distressing for long-term couples who have achieved a kind of contented, even happy—but not intensely romantic—status quo, assuming it is the best anyone can expect. Couples benefit from downward social comparison with other couples and will even distort their evaluation of their own relationship to an objectively unrealistically positive view (Rusbult et al., 2000). Yet, a shocking recognition of possibilities, that a long-term marriage does not necessarily kill the romance in one’s relationship, may give some couples the inspiration they need, even if challenging, to make changes that will enhance their relationship quality (and thus general well being). [Ref -3]

And she finally ended the amazing article with this question: Could Oscar Wilde be wrong?

I will leave the answer of that question for you all. However, I am sure there is hope for all of young couples who just get in with their life. And I hope to really see new people with better personality and great mentality. I wish to see more romantic love among us. And been in man society as the man he is the main driver, I ask you all man out there to look at this article and think, are you romantic enough for your beloved one, are you doing enough. Also for all women out there, men love changes. Cooking and taken care of house and kids is not all what he want. He needs your love and passionate. He needs your romance.

Am going to stop here but am sure this topic will never stop. And this page will never finish cause while am writing this article I get another text massage and guess what the massage is about. I guess you have got it right, wedding invitation……

a request , for all people out there, if you like this article and you know any new couple or you have friend that is in the way to the new life. Please forward him/her this article gives him/her the hope and the right advice and let’s works toward a better happy and loving society. Let us hope for a society with healthier and happier relationships

Ref-3: Article: “Does a Long-Term Relationship Kill Romantic Love?” Bianca P. Acevedo, PhD, and Arthur Aron, PhD, Stony Brook University; Review of General Psychology, Vol. 13, No. 1.
(Full text of the article is available from the APA Public Affairs Office and at

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